Dear Mother, Father, Sisters, Brothers, Family, and Friends
Welll...... It`s the end. This is my last email from Japan. I only have 2 more days left here in Fushimi before I go to the mission home and then I begin my journey Home.
"Home," That`s an interesting word to me now. I`m leaving home here pretty soon, and everytime I think about it tears well up in my eyes. I have to leave my home. No longer am I only Japanese by blood, but by heart also. For two years I have served my brothers and sisters in Japan. For two years I have labored through sweat and tears to help these people to find happiness. On hot summer days, in cold winter nights. I have shed tears upon my pillow at night and I have cried unto the Lord by day as I have sought to bring these wonderful people unto God. Now it`s done. The time has come to leave it all behind and take a step forward into a new chapter of my life. Oh the things that I shall never forget! Oh the Life that I have lived, the people that I have loved! To leave this all behind hurts me. It tears me apart. There are many memories that I will cherish forevermore and there are people that I will never forget. This has become my home.
I`m not sure what I should write for this last email. I`ll see everyone soon enough and be able to talk, to relate and express my experiences then. It just feels so surreal right now that I`m going home! My mind is just incapable of wrapping around that idea. My bags are packed and sent off, and it just feels like I`m going to a new area. Yet ahead lies a long plane ride, across an ocean to a different continent thousands of miles away. I leave from Japan at 3:30 PM Friday 3rd, and arrive at 4:30 PM Friday 3rd in St. George. I know that that is going to be the longest hour of my life, and in more ways than just one. I`ll be crying the whole plane ride home.
I guess right now the only thing I`m trying to do is express my feelings as I end my mission. But That`s something that can`t be fully expressed, as I don`t even know what I`m feeling. I have a turmoil of emotions welling up inside of me. Excitement, Sorrow, Grief, Anticipation, Nervousness, Anxiety. There is so much that lies ahead that I`m not sure what I`m even supposed to be thinking or feeling right now. Sometimes my heart leaps with joy at the thought of going home, some times it shrinks away in sorrow. Part of me wants to leave, most of me wants to stay. The other day as I was making lunch I just felt like crying for no reason at all! I`m turning into an emotional wreck.
I guess I`ll just testify right now. It`s all that I have left to do.
What is the worth of Two Years? It is something priceless and immeasurable. It is something that one could never explain with words. It is an entire life in and of itself. It has been a time of growth, a time of pain, a time of stretching, a time humbling, a time of faith, a time of love, a time of joy. These two years I would never trade for anything in this world. They have changed me in an inexplicable way. I set out not really knowing what was lying ahead. I set out not even coming close to comprehending what I was doing. I had stepped foot into a new world. I remember the day I entered into the MTC. Early, like usual, stepping out of the car and walking into the front desk, waving goodbye to Mom and Dad as they headed off. One deep breath and then I submerged myself and gave myself to God. I placed myself in his hands and sought to follow him to the best of my abilities. From then on everything was different. At times it was hard, it was difficult and I wanted to give up. At times I complained to God and asked "Why this!?" or "What have I done to deserve this!?" But quickly the gentle reminder would come that God knew what he was doing, or even if was not quickly I eventually learned it. Every step was a step of faith, sometimes it was misplaced but even then I was picked back up again. But those hard times I cannot remember nearly so clearly as I can the joyful times. The first baptism, the lessons, the Spirit, the Guidance, the Love. All of those swallow up any of the pain I ever felt and to God I owe all the credit. He taught me my lessons, he gave me the spirit, he guided me to where he wanted me to go, and he taught me what love truly meant. Never can words really explain all that there is.
From start to finish God has guided my growth as a missionary. I can say as the apostle Paul once said: "By the grace of God I am who I am!" God has made me who I am today. He has helped me to be myself and find out who I really am. He has loved me and nourished me into who I am now. For that I am eternally grateful and will forever praise my God. Hallelujah! O how great is his Mercy, how Endless is his Love! O how wonderful is my God that has lead me to the end! My God is my Strength, and My God is my stay! Far from away in a world that I have never known, across the foreign streets I walk. Yet in my heart his love resides and in his strength do I rely. Nothing can take this from me, no mortal hand nor hellish storm, no nothing. This burning in my heart is undeniable, I have done all that the Lord has asked me to do. My time has come to go home.
I know that God lives, and I know of his Love. I know that Christ is my Redeemer and my Saviour. I know that this is God`s church, and I bear this final witness as a missionary in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
With much Love,
Elder Randall KK Tateishi
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