I love that the Lord is on my side. I love that the Lord knows what each of us need and when we need it. OK, Randy is having a little bit of a rough time. Mostly because he is learning more about himself and what the Lord wants him to be and learn. I think that sometimes we have to go through a "refiner's fire" to groom us to be the people we are today. Sometimes it is really hard to listen to what is being told us through the spirit. Sometimes we turn deaf ears and think "I know what to do" only to find out it should be "I know what the Lord wants me to do". I am grateful for the time Randy is spending in the mission field. Grateful for the lessons he is learning. He is going from a boy to a man, the way the Lord wants him. Each of us has a purpose here on earth. Each of us has a plan that has been especially designed for us. Each of us has to learn what our purpose and plan is and the journey is so worth it. Some may have a hard struggle and some may have an easy path, but each of us has to take this journey. Embrace it, love it, endure it and know that the final outcome is Happiness and Joy.
Here is Randy's letter:
Dear Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Family, Friends, Mentors, and the Rest of the World.
I would say that these past few weeks have been bitter sweet. Leaning more towards Bitter. In Summary:
Tuesday of the week before last we went up and watched a Fire Fevistival, it was cool, and I`ll send the pictures. We went up there with one of the members for a couple hours and watched the whole thing, it was awesome and I learned a lot more about the Japanese Culture.
After That things rolled downhill. I kept trying to be patient with my companion, with myself. I kept praying so hard I kept pouring out my heart to the lord, and yet things kept rolling downhill. By Sunday morning I found myself curled up in a ball on my futon nearly at tears and trying not to pull my hair out. This indeed has been the toughest transfer of my mission so far. I will tell you why, the very simple cause of this difficulty: Me.
There is a simple saying: "Pride Cometh before the fall." And so it was. I was prideful, I didn`t listen to my companion, I didn`t try to learn from him, I simply said in my mind that he was wrong in almost everything. I spent many hours digging through my head trying to find out what I was doing wrong. In the process I successfully drove myself crazy. I pulled myself apart in a hundred different directions. I double thought, triple thought, and quadruple thought everything. I could not find out what I was doing wrong. I spent hours asking myself "When does blaming yourself go too far?" I thought I was, I thought I was blaming myself too much. That wasn`t true, I just didn`t find the right answer for a while.
Last week Monday rolled around and I stopped. I yelled at myself, I screamed at myself I scolded myself and said: "Shut up and listen!" And I listened. I listened to what my companion had to say, his ideas of how to do things, his ideas of how to teach. And I learned. I learned from what he said, although I may not have agreed with everything, I still learned. I got ideas, The pressure was relieved. I fully realized then the dangers of Pride. That Pride can be masked in Humility, and when it is it`s lethality doubles. When in your pride you believe you are humble.
I guess this goes to show everyone Missionaries aren`t perfect! We have mental problems too!
Anyway, after that we headed up to Wakayama city for President Interviews. It was another great relief for my stress. I got to speak English, I got to talk to people I LIKED and I got to talk with President about my problems. Although no advice was really given He did Help me. He told me two things. That first, he thought that I had done the right thing, that what I was doing (tearing down my pride) was the right way to go. Second he told me why he sent me to Shinguu and why he put me with my companions. In his words "I Knew you could handle it without getting Messed up." So Here I am, not messed up... or at least not any more messed up and crazy than I`ve always been.
After Interviews we headed back and I thought things would be a breeze till the end of the transfer. How wrong I am!!! Simply knowing what You`re supposed to be doing, and why you are doing doesn`t make doing it any easier. Luckily there is only a week and a half left in this transfer. As much as I hate saying so, I hate counting down, it makes me feel weak. But then again I am Weak.
Elder Tateishi`s Gospel Moment of the Week
Sorry Mother, but I think I`m going to tie this moment into what I`ve been Learning the Past couple weeks.
Enduring Trials and Tribulations.
A while ago I talked about Happiness and how we can find true happiness by obeying the laws and commandments of God. Well Let me be the first to tell you that, even though it is true we will still suffer Trials and Tribulations, we will suffer adversity and pain. Let me tell you one anchor that has secured me throughout this whole ordeal.
"Be Still my Soul, The Lord is on thy Side. With Patience bear thy cross of grief or pain, leave to thy God to order and provide. In every Change he faithful will remain. Be still my Soul, thy best thy heavn`ly friend, Through Thorny ways leads to a Joyful End.
Be Still my Soul, Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as he has the past. Thy Hope, Thy Confidence, let nothing shake, all now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still my Soul, The waves and winds still know, his voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
Be Still my Soul, the hour is hastening on, when we shall be forever with the lord, When dissappointment, pain, and fear are gone, Sorrow forgot, loves purest joys restored. Be still my Soul, when change and tears are past, all safe and blessed we shall meet at last."
This indeed is my favorite hymn. I cannot count how many times I have song it to soothe my mind, to bear my afflictions, and to calm my soul. Be still my soul. Such a sweet phrase. When I hear the words it always reminds me that I am never alone, when I hear the words it reminds me that the anchor of my Hope is Christ, and how he knows all the things that I have suffered.
Of late I have thought back to the words spoken about Christ. In Summary, Alma 7:11-13 "And he shall go forth and suffer temptations, pains, and afflictions in the flesh, That he might know how to succor his people according to the flesh." I think of what was said about him going and being spit upon and beaten, scourged and crucified and yet he did not udder a word against those that did it. And then I remember what was said to Joseph Smith during his afflictions. "I have suffered so much that it caused Me, Even the Lord thy God, to tremble and to bleed at every pore. Thinkest thou greater than me?" Christ descended into the very deepest pits of pain and torment for everyone of us. Are we greater than he is, if we believe that we shouldn`t bear our own afflictions?
"There bounds are set, and thy days shall not be numbered less." God Knows all, he knows that what we are suffering through will make us better, he knows that what happens now will make us grow. I Prayed so hard this week, I prayed with all my might, yet nothing miraculous happened. No marvelous voice shouted from heaven, no calming words reached my mind. The only answer I recieved was a simple song. "Be Still My Soul, Thy God doth Undertake, to guide the future as he has the past.Thy Hope Thy confidence, let nothing shake, all now mysterious shall be bright at last." It was all I needed. I am to learn and to grow from this. I am to learn for myself how to endure with patience.
"Keep the Faith," are the words my Father has told me repeatedly. Hold on to your faith, and God will guide you. You may not recieve the answer you wanted, things may not turn out the way YOU wanted them to. But in the end all things will be for YOUR good, and your Eternal Salvation. O Remember, Remember that God is on your Side, Remember he Hears your prays, he knows your pains. His hand will guide you, but only if you let him.
With Much Love, Your Son, Brother, Friend,
Elder Randall KK Tateishi
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